A letter to Iowa City about hot dogs

Dear Iowa City,

Hello old friend. It's been a while, I know. I'm sorry for being so distant lately, but lately I've had some things on my mind. I didn't know how to tell you, but, well, okay enough beating around the bush. I'm just going to come right out and say it, and I'm sorry if it hurts, but it needs to be said.

You've got a problem with your hot dogs.

You see, as we move closer towards spring and further into the baseball season, I can't help but think of the season's perfect edible companion: a Chicago-style hot dog. The thought of one makes me salivate like Pavlov's dog in a bell tower.

So Iowa City, what's the deal? Tell me why you can't provide this simple service. And don't try and tell me they have them at the Skybox, located at 124 1/2 Washington St. I've been there, and those hot dogs cost $5.00 - $6.00, and that's without fries. Are you kidding me? For a hot dog? A hot dog should cost no more $3.00, maybe $3.75.

Also, in Chicago, a place that sells Chicago-style hot dogs sells much, much more. I'm talking gyros, Italian beef, sausage, ribs, and burgers. These are places like Portillo's, Nicky's Red Hots, Superdawg, etc.

I mean, you have a place called Old Chicago, located at 75 2nd St. in Coralville, and it doesn't even have hot dogs, let alone anything else I just listed, except for hamburgers. But what place doesn't have hamburgers? That place is pathetic.

Listen, here's a good description of a Chicago-style dog from Wikipedia. Maybe you can learn something:

A Chicago-style hot dog is a steamed or boiled all-beef hot dog on a poppy seed bun, which originated in the U.S. city of Chicago, Illinois. The hot dog is topped with mustard, onion, sweet pickle relish (usually neon green), a dill pickle spear, tomato slices or wedges, sport peppers, and a dash of celery salt; but never ketchup.

So Iowa City, there you have it. That's all I wanted to say. I'm sorry if it hurt, but you need to be aware of the dire hot dog situation that you have let get out of hand. I don't blame you because you didn't know any better. Now I hope that you will go and right this horrible wrong.

Love,
Kevin