(mis)Adventures in California Cuisine

I mean, I was in California. It is, after all, the home of "California Cuisine," that delectably snobby foodie genre. It's a cuisine known for liberally basting itself in terms like "fusion," "organic," and "local." It's the kind of cuisine that inspires you to consume a pizza adorned solely in nettles. And it's the kind of cuisine that makes you believe nothing else could have satiated you in quite the same way.




Alice Waters, executive chef of Chez Panisse












So there I was in San Francisco, just a hop and a $4 toll bridge away from Berkeley, home of all things crunchy and California. Being the foodie I am (but refuse to admit to being), I booked a reservation at Chez Panisse, the acclaimed restaurant known for starting the California Cuisine. And known for having prix-fixe menus that start at $55 a pop (and if you want the "grilled loin and leg of Dal Porto Ranch lamb with spring vegetable ragoût and crispy potatoes," we're talking $85).

I booked it, of course, with the assumption my Cheeto-loving, hot dog-munching family would laugh my dream restaurant meal into the bay. I didn't really plan on stepping foot in Chez Panisse — the Chez Panisse — the pantheon of modern, fresh, elegant food. Yet somehow, miraculously, my entire 6-member crew folded. So there I was, slightly withered from a wild night of San Francisco hipster bars, stepping into the restaurant's hallowed halls.

The service was great. The decor was lovely. The classical music — while mildly pretentious — adequate and at the very least pleasant. But the food? The very object of our voyage?

(shoulder shrug, half eyebrow lift)

I don't know. I barely dare say this, but ... it could have been better. The flavors were bright and fresh, and the visual appeal quite nice. But the portions were small — real small. And I just wasn't blown away.

To be honest, I don't know what I was expecting; all I ordered, after all, was a citrus salad with a chile vinaigrette and pistachios. Everything was just so darn expensive. So I guess I got what I (my dad, rather) paid for. But come on, Alice Waters. You founded a cuisine, created the landmark restaurant on the West Coast. You should at least be able to impress a girl from Iowa.